Things Stressed Women Say

I found this in an old file I'd saved...I can relate to many of these on any given day, heehee, today I really like 5, 12, 15 and 27.
many thanks to the original author!

• 1. Okay, Okay! I take it back. Unscrew You.
• 2. You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing.
• 3. Well this day was a total waste of make-up.
• 4 Well, Aren't we a damn ray of sunshine?
• 5. Don't bother me, I'm living happily ever after.
• 6. Do I look like a people person?
• 7. This isn't an office. It's hell with fluorescent lighting.
• 8. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.
• 9. Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap. You choose.
• 10. Why don't you try practicing random acts of intelligence and senseless acts of self control.
• 11. I'm not crazy. I've been in a bad mood for 30 years.
• 12. Sarcasm is just one more service I offer.
• 13. Do they ever shut up on your planet?
• 14 . Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't gone to sleep yet.
• 15 Back off!! You're standing in my aura.
• 16. Don't worry I forgot your name too.
• 17. I work 45 hours a week to be this poor.
• 18. Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
• 19 . Wait...I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
• 20 . Chaos, panic and disorder... my work here is done.
• 21. Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
• 22. Earth is full. Go Home.
• 23 Aw, did I step on your poor little itty bitty ego?
• 24 . I'm not tense, just terribly alert.
• 25. You are depriving some village of an idiot.
• 26 . If idiots could fly this place would be an airport.
• 27 . A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand!