breathing a sigh of relief...

About 10 minutes ago I was in a state of pure and simple panic...my usb drive decided not to work. I never thought about having a back up drive for my back up drive!

I did think about all the pictures and "stories" on this little pink device and my heart stopped, I have blog ideas galore waiting for inspiration, pictures, holy cow, do I have pictures and ones I could never replace. And my stories, my babies, these characters I developed and I just started a major rewrite on one of my favorites...

I guess I need to talk to my favorite computer guru and get his opinion...

January 3rd

First day back to work after a 4-day weekend really really sucks!! Ok, to be fair it was a quick day, it really did fly by but it still had it's moments. I got asked some really stupid questions and I sat at my desk basically yelling at people who weren't there! Yeah, silly I know but it makes me feel better! I'm ready for a new challenge and afraid I'm not up to it. Nothing knew!

I've started working on  me, getting in shape, eating better...

I want my dreams, my dream come true...

dang...

I can’t believe it, it actually happened, my muse had abandoned me. For some unknown reason Calliope has just taken off. Calliope is of course the muse of epic poetry, she was Homer’s muse, the inspiration for the Odyssey and the Iliad. I know that my writing is not exactly epic or poetry but with her knowledge and assertive nature prod me to write, my characters seem to flow from my fingertips and onto my computer screen whenever she is about. When Reilly and Kellan decided to go off on their own, Madison and Jens took up residence and then Lark and Stone stopped in for a brief moment, even though their time with me was quick I found Keely and Jake waiting, but now there is no one, my dear couples have not come back and I know there are stories to be completed.



I’m not sure if I can actually find fault with Calliope, spring is here and she may be off with her sisters; Clio, Erato, Euterpe, Melpomene, Polyhymnia, Terpischore, Thalia and Urania; but I do wish she’d hurry back.

Wanderlust in the brain...

Something is off in the cosmos. Seriously!


Normally I have a feeling in my gut, a good feeling and warm and cuddly feeling; but it’s gone, maybe it took a hopefully brief vacation. I get signs; little snippets to remind me of certain things, people, places. But my antenna isn’t getting any reception at all. Funny, I knew it the other day, the last time I had a feeling in my gut and it wasn’t a good feeling.

I know I can hear you all saying it, Right…Just like Bill Cosby does in his monologue about Noah and God, every time God tells Noah to do something, like build the ark, Noah says RRRRIIIIIGGGGGGGGHHHHHHTTTTTTT! Just the way you say something you don’t really believe but want to sound like you do. But I am serious and not happy at all.

Ok, now I’m going to sound like I’m a drop-out from the totally wrong generation. But I am an Aquarian and this feels like the Age of Aquarius is floating away; harmony and understanding, sympathy and trust abounding, no more falsehoods or derisions, golden living dreams of visions, mystic crystals revelations, and the minds true liberation gone, totally kaput. I am out of sorts and I want my sorts back.

This could all be my own version of spring fever and the desire for my vacation to hurry up and get here and then to go as slow as possible so I can savor every moment. I am hoping this is why my “senses” are off. The alternative is I’ve lost that loving feeling and to be honest that would totally suck.


So, if you’re out there listening or rather reading, oh wondrous feeling of mine, please please come back soon. I am totally absolutely lost without you, I can’t sleep, my eating is off, my barometer for life is flat. I have no clue why you abandoned me but I promise I’ll fix whatever I did to make you vanish. Seriously, if you don’t come back soon I think my muse for creative writing will abandon me as well and then you know what that means I’ll be up the creek without the proverbial paddle and my days of blogging will be over. 

blogging away

Time to pat myself on the back, I've kept my resolution so far to blog every week. I'll admit most of my blogs have been about my favorite books but I'm blogging! And yes, I'm also writing my fiction...the dang plot bunnies have gone wild!

I think I've completed a short story, yeah, I know, I should know but I'm really not sure if it's a short story or the beginning of another great American novel to be...I like it as it is and am waiting for my favorite proof reader to let me know what she thinks.

One day I hope you'll get to meet these couples I've created. They continue to drive me crazy, they are alive in my head and are just as stubborn as I am, when they don't like the direction I'm taking their lives they let me know. Please think happy thoughts for Reilly and Kellan, Madison and Jens, Lark and Stone and the newest addition, Keely and Jake...and me the truly humble writer wannabe...

Ok, I've been really remiss!!

I was reminded tonight about this blog, not that I hadn't thought about it but I didn't know what to write or if I even remembered my sign in or password!! But this is important, I love to write and keeping up with this blog can only help!! I love feedback...ok, I'm getting ahead of myself....let's back up....



I have been writing a bit of fiction and yes, I've shared it with several friends but not all, this is a growing living breathing story to me, I simply adore this wonderful flawed confused loving people, their lives are complicated, things happen, life isn't perfect or simple and this story is proof! So, I may use this blog to throw somethings out there, get some ideas, bounce things off of you...so FEEDBACK is important!!



I also have a lot of random thoughts, yes, on occasion I wear rose colored glasses!!



If you are reading this blog for the first time start at the beginning, the early postings, the first is Why Widget?! 10/30/08...

also understand, sharing this blog and my story is a big step, I am basically a shy person, my writing is very personal and close to my heart...and yes, I can still take feedback, it's the only way I'll grow and become the novelist I know I can and will be...

things

There are certain things I like, things I grew up with and no matter how many years go by I find comfort in these simple things…a McDonalds double cheese burger, baby ducks, my purple crayola teddy bear, good friends, musicals, Disney movies, kittens and puppies, a beautiful smile, balloons.

I could go on but today I’ve latched on to one of these, Disney movies, one in particular, The Little Mermaid, I was thinking about one song from the movie, actually I borrowed a CD from the library “Country Sings Disney” and Faith Hill sings “Part Of Your World”, I know the basic song is about Ariel wanting to leave the sea, but the words hit me today and I could apply them to my life and what I think I want. There’s a life I would love to be a part of; definitely a different world than my simple one, who knows, it’s a possible dream.


When's it my turn?
Wouldn't I love
Love to explore that shore above?
Out of the sea
Wish I could be Part of that world

deserve...

Definition of Deserve:
Merriam-Webster’s Online Dictionary
Main Entry:
de·serve
Pronunciation:
\di-ˈzərv\
Function:
verb
Inflected Form(s):
de·served; de·serv·ing
Etymology:
Middle English, from Anglo-French deservir, from Latin deservire to devote oneself to, from de- + servire to serve
Date: 13th century
transitive verb: to be worthy of: merit intransitive verb: to be worthy, fit, or suitable for some reward or requital
— de·serv·er noun

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/deserve


The thesaurus in Microsoft word gives this definition – a verb - merit, be worthy of, ought to have, earn, warrant, justify


But Wiktionary’s definition is the one I like best…

Verb
to deserve (third-person singular simple present deserves, present participle deserving, simple past and past participle deserved)

To earn or merit a reward or punishment.After playing so well, the team really deserved their win.

http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/deserve



You may wonder why the semi-in-depth study on the word “deserve”. A dear and wondrous friend told me that this man I tend to dream about does not deserve me, well, if you look at “deserve” as a punishment not a reward then maybe he does deserve me! Maybe we are exactly what each other not only deserves but needs. Yes, this is a side trip in my adventures, a nice thing to ponder…I have never been one to follow the easy path, I have my own drummer; actually I have my own band filled with all the odd ball instruments that life has tossed me, kazoos, slide whistles, balloons-yes, they make wonderful instruments and instruments of torture as well, but that’s another adventure, let’s see, tapping fingers…ok, I also wander off the subject quite often, back to deserving and the man, heavy sigh. I think I’ll sit with this heavy sigh for a bit and dream of his eyes, beautiful brown sexy smoldering yes, this is a reward kind of deserve!!

Adventures in Wonderment

OK, here goes nothing, correction, here goes something...today i'm starting fresh, positive thinking, possible dreams, great friends and remembering that impossible things are happening every day! i'd like to think i'll post often and comment on my journey, i have no idea what i'll find and what i'll discover about myself. this is likely to be a very eclectic blog to read, my mind wanders in circles, kind of like my favorite sport, NASCAR, except those boys don't wander on the track! i love country music and lyrics, more of the newer country, new as in Garth, Toby, Trace, Diamond Rio, Rascal Flatts, SheDaisy, Trisha, Terri, Sara, Sugarland...their words speak to me and make me dance with joy. sigh....yes, i sigh alot, especially when i think about him, yes there is a him and he doesn't know i even exist, that is not yet, well, that's not quite true, we've met, several times in a way, but those are stories i won't be telling for a while...yes, i'm being mean but then again this is my space to write and i'll decide what to write and not write...so remember it was Aristotle said "Hope is a waking dream", boy do i hope my dreams come true!

Why Widget?

Widget is now such a internet thing, when I first picked this name a "Widget" to me was my new yorkie puppy, a wee midget...I still find it odd to see widgets for this and widgets for that. But in my heart Widget will always be that sweet little face that died much too young.